othelladub's Diaryland Diary

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happy

In a lot of ways, I know I'm a selfish human being. Everyone wants something that they don't have. I think we're all fucked up, in this world. That is part of what bonds us, and it also tears us apart.

I'm trying to figure a lot of things out right now. Sometimes I think anesthetizing myself is the only thing I can do.

I don't know why I'm so fucked up right now. I'm not blind, and I should be able to see things a lot clearer than I have been. I want her to be happy, but I don't want to lose her.

I want her to think of my large pupils, and still feel waves of happiness.

If she's sour on me, then I've obviously fucked it up. I hope she can understand why I'm frustrated with the situation.

I love her more than she knows.

-Brian

9:45 p.m. - 2001-07-02

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