othelladub's Diaryland Diary

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Going Back

I'm not going to dwell in self-pity. I know she's with the other guy, and that's that.

I can't torture myself by thinking that she REALLY wants to be with me, and its just the situation that's holding her back.

In 6 months, I will have more than $6,000 dollars. It would be more than enough to pay for a year's rent in advance, in Boise, Idaho or some other godforsaken place. For a one-bedroom, I could probably pay for two years.

I haven't read anything for a while.

Nothing has inspired me this week.

There are so many people in this world who pretend as if they have shit figured out, and the truth is, no one has it figured out. Some people are just better actors than others.

I just want to hold her. If we were together for six months, and it all went horribly wrong, and it went down in flames, it would still be worth it.

Life is a huge, wide space. We have this white space we're born into, and we clutter it with possessions, dreams, expectation, and feelings. The only happiness I can see is in burning through the walls and clutter in our lives, and opening up some space.

I want to go home.

10:38 a.m. - 2001-08-31

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