othelladub's Diaryland Diary


yep. I'm still CURSED

It's funny. Time passes. I read, eat, sleep, and meet new people.

shit changes. shit stays the same.

I grow calluses. But I can't keep from getting hurt.

Some would say I am bringing it upon myself. I would agree. I know by now not to expect too much from people.

Perhaps the mistake I'm making is that I don't apply this to myself.

I wrote my friend, Xochitl, an e-mail the other day. One of the paragraphs basically ripped into her for being what I saw as "inconsistent" or a "hypocite" or whatever.

That was stupid. Mostly it was me diverting emotional energy. I don't think that I was totally out of line in what I said, but there was no point to bringing it up now. In february. When I was going pretty good with another girl who is totally awesome. And it could have really hurt Xoch, and it definitely pissed her off, judging from her response. At least I said what I felt at the time.

Which brings me to Rina. I spent the night at her place on Sunday, and it was ok. It was cool seeing her, and I was glad that I had a chance to see her in her studio. Her school is pretty cool, and her friends seem cool too.

They were all nice to me, and none of them were dismissive or snooty. At least not to my face. And they seem like they're busy creating art, so they don't have time to be pretentious assholes.

Maybe the pretentious assholes are reserved for the art programs at the State Schools.

Chico had some speedfreak, pretentious, psychotic art teachers. But that's another story.

I need a blood transfusion.

I need a syringe in the eye.

I need Mike Ness to shiv that asshole on talbert in the guts for me.

I need to be truthful enough to lie.

I need to grasp hold of a chance when it's in my hands. Recognize the moment.

Avoid being selfish.

But everything I witness seems to tell me that what I need is shit.

I need a nice car.

I need my name published.

I need to be on some shitty, cable-access tv show.

I need to be a world champion pool-player.

I need to be hyper-aware of inconsequential facts, and beat everyone else over the head with my knowledge of these facts.

I need to shave my head, and consume massive amounts of steroids.

I need to quit reading comics, and start watching WWF & NFL.

I need to draw attention to the fact that there are people who have less education than I do, some of whom are also in poorer athletic condition.

I need to quit reading comics?

Fuck you guys.

5:16 p.m. - 2002-02-12


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