othelladub's Diaryland Diary

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self-righteous bullshit

There was a short conversation with my friend tonight. I don't know if we're friends anymore or not.

I was upset with her for telling me point-blank, the other night, "I don't ever want to see you in person again."

Was I justified in being upset?

She indicated to me that I had blown her off, and that was it.

I don't really understand this.

A FEW MONTHS BACK

I went out to her house, to hang out with her. It was fun. We played video games. She showed me her kidney stone(s). It was cool, and there was some good pasta.

I liked hanging out with her. She's an intelligent, attractive, socially-adept woman.

THE PRESENT DAY

She doesn't want to hang out with me. I haven't changed in my attitude towards her, other than being offended that she's just decided that I'm not worthy of friendship.

---------------------------------

One day, I'm a swell catch.

The next, I'm not worthy of being in her physical presence?

huh?

----- maybe I'm NOT a swell catch,

but I am worthy of getting a

beer or coffee or sushi with

you.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

and so it goes.

I really want to be a good friend to people.

But I'm not going to compromise who I am to do that. I'm not going to suddenly fall in love with George W, Body Mutilation, Dave Matthews, Piss Christ, or the Phantom Menace.

Not for anyone. They all stink.

I love people who can disagree with me, be mad at me, be angry with me, and still be mature enough to throw in with me when the day is through. Those are the people I want to be with. I have a few friends like that - and they, more than anything, help me to find my way.

I know who I am. I always have. The process of maintaining that is the part that's traumatic.

...

I love you all.

1:48 a.m. - 2002-05-10

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