othelladub's Diaryland Diary

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gold

So I have to be finding a place to live soon.

Where will I move? I don't know. Somewhere around here? I'm not sure if I want to. I'm not sure I'm progressing in this environment. And there's no one for me to love here. I suppose I should say no one for me to FALL IN LOVE with here. Not that anywhere else will be any different, but I can hope.

There are plenty of people I love around here: my pop, moms, shane, sis -

but there is something more out there.

My grandparents are here, and I have to find a balance between overriding selfishness and foolish selflessness or being naive and thinking that things will happen without initiative. But I don't want to force things that will be unhealthy for me either.

I want to sacrifice much of this for what I love. And there's only so much that I can honestly see on the horizon, but I know that if I do not plunge head first, I will never feel the exhilaration of "trying to do something."

And trying - the attempt - is more important than whether I accomplish anything or not.

All the people who ripped their hands apart, bloodied and scarred, and trembling in their stubborness -- there is something to be said for those people.

They have gone unappreciated and unrepresented in the history books, but that does not mean that they have not made a difference.

I don't know where I'm going, but I can't stay for long.