othelladub's Diaryland Diary



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mistressmuse: hey

othelladublin: hey, what's up?

othelladublin: I was worried I wasn't gonna see you today

mistressmuse: I'm here briefly

mistressmuse: hows it going?

othelladublin: all right

othelladublin: did you read my e-mail earlier?

mistressmuse: I did

mistressmuse: so I will be in Cali in three weeks


othelladublin: really?

mistressmuse: yeah

mistressmuse: I just can't take this lingering indecisiveness

othelladublin: what did you think of my e-mail? did it make sense? how do you feel about if?

mistressmuse: so I think that maybe in face we can clear up a few things

mistressmuse: and come to some sort of conclusion

mistressmuse: however vague it may be

mistressmuse: well it made sense

othelladublin: shit, you sound like you don't want it to be good

othelladublin: I mean, you're just coming down for a visit for the time being, right?

mistressmuse: what I understood from it is that you are afraid of the feelings you have and need something tangible and definite

othelladublin: yeah, but at the same time, you made this big life change

mistressmuse: that you want something real

mistressmuse: oh Brian, what I am doing here I could be doing anywhere

mistressmuse: even in Cali

othelladublin: and I don't want to force you to uproot yourself again! if it's not something you really want

mistressmuse: with you

othelladublin: well, the rent is more expensive down here

othelladublin: don't get me wrong, I want you here more than you know

mistressmuse: tell me

mistressmuse: be explicit about your overhwelming desire for me

othelladublin: but I don't want you to second-guess yourself when you're with me

othelladublin: I just feel good when I'm around you, and I think it would be only intensified if we were dating

othelladublin: and I'm not saying you have to get engaged to me - good god - I mean, we'd be living apart, so we could date and

othelladublin: god, I just want to hold you

othelladublin: but I don't want you to leave something up there, that, for all I know, could be better than what I can offer

othelladublin: I'm not an easy boyfriend to have

othelladublin: and I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't want to be with you

mistressmuse: I know

othelladublin: otherwise, I'd play up my good aspects, of course

othelladublin: but you know most of those already, and besides, I think confidence is displayed by not being afraid to admit your faults

mistressmuse: you know what/

othelladublin: ?

mistressmuse: I think that this could be volatile and exhilirating

othelladublin: I know

mistressmuse: but we will see what happens in three weeks

othelladublin: well, how long will you be here?

othelladublin: I'm assuming you're doing this as a test run, and you'll see how it goes when you're here

othelladublin: that's the thing that kind of scares me, like I really have to impress you when you're here

othelladublin: DAMN ME, for showing weakness!

othelladublin: but seeing you under any circumstances is better than not seeing you at all

othelladublin: I mean, I know that I care about you already, because I know how upset I was when we got into that argument phase right before you left - that tore me up

mistressmuse: brian

mistressmuse: have alittle hope

othelladublin: I do

mistressmuse: i'll see you soon

mistressmuse: and i will write even sooner than that

mistressmuse: but i have to go for now

othelladublin: write me, k? I get as much out of your mails as you do from mine

othelladublin: think about me, ok?

othelladublin: I miss you

mistressmuse: me too

mistressmuse: more than you could possibly fathom

Yahoo! Messenger: mistressmuse has logged out. (4/27/01 at 8:55 PM)

12:44 p.m. - 2002-11-11


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