othelladub's Diaryland Diary


fucked over again

So tonight I went out to some bar.

I really wasn't too keen on it, to begin with.

Actually, I'd been working all day, and I was rather beat. And then I was online, and some girl I fancy was online, but she's kind of a bitch to me, so we'll leave it at that.

But anyway, my friend calls me from the bar, so I feel like I should go down there. Well - the place is a dive, a really low-key bar, but tonight was karaoke night. Normally I would be up for this, but Im pretty tired, and add to this the notion of a girl I like being there, jocking some other guy. But she's talking to me, and being cordial, and talking to my friend -- she's acknowledging us, but she's - is she rubbing that guy's leg? is she holding that guy's hand? man -- fuck this!! so, I'm kind of bitter -- but I don't let it show.

of course, maybe I'm not being fair. I mean, I have three or four females who've paths I've crossed in the last 2 or 3 years who kinda rock my boat. who am I to hold it against her? but this chick, she pisses me off - it's like, I think she digs me, but then she goes off making "moon-eyes" with these other fucking assholes. and not even intelligent, cool assholes. just fucking "trendy assholes" - and I gave her more credit than that. I mean, she fucking likes the new U2 album ... the guys in U2 wouldn't fuck with their friends like that ...

I thought she liked me, but like every other bitch I seem to groove with, they end up having a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend they're still obsessed with, or just turn out to be a total flake asshole -

fuck these assholes!!

and the thing is, they fuck with you, because they know that all they have to do is be nice to you for 5 minutes, and you will go "gaga" and all will be forgiven.

I need to stop thinking with my dick, and just ignore these asshole bitches.

but try as I might, i like chicks that treat me like this.

guess I'm just as bad as them, and their asshole-loving ways.

Maybe I'll someday develop the skills to be a full-time lying asshole - cocky -trendy cocksucker

- right now I can only do it part time ...

man, fuck those guys ... more witticisms to come.

next time I won't have ingested so much liquor.

all my love won't make up for what another person lacks - I can long for something, I can tear myself apart, but ...


I still love her. And she's gone.

Maybe I'll find someone as cool as that. I doubt it.


06:18:37 - 2001-03-08


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