othelladub's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she's lounging in the pink terry cloth bathrobe, feet dipped in the pool

My sister's getting married next month. Kind of makes me wonder what the next big event in my family will be - or my life for that matter. I'm so fond of things past ... and that should change. I should appreciate the beauty of the past for what it was, without forgetting the ugliness that made it memorable as well.

But now its time to move on. Sometimes I just want to be young again. Not that I'm fucking old - geez, I'm 25, but I have this aging kick going - as if I don't accomplish something meaningful or lasting within the next year or so, I might as well jump off a bridge. I need to at least establish something new in my life, preferably 2 or 3 or a million new things. I can always come back to whatever this is, can't I?

I suppose that's a fallacy, though. Once you leave a situation, you can never really go back to it, in the same exact state it was in when you left.

You change, the people around you change, tastes change - physical items (chairs, desks, Tvs, books - are moved, replaced, and disappear) - clothing wears out, is lost, or donated to goodwill or thrown away ...

If you don't consciously change, or attempt to change - the world will stil change around you = nothing profound really, and something I've been negotiating rather treacherously for the last ten years.

If only I could bottle up the best parts of the past ten years, and pack them into one week. The best conversations, the best sex, the best drunken stupors, the best jeans-ripping fence jumping, the best dorm room hijinx, the best slouching at menial jobs, the best fishing where I didnt throw up, the best comic books I've read, the best pain which I somehow miss - the purity of that all packed into one week of experience.

A living, breathing week of fire.

Vodka in the veins.

A purity, a sharpness of pain.

Clarity.

12:44 a.m. - 2001-08-20

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

seadreamz
pieceofme
addieplum
edithpilaf
lulublu
peth
fangedfaerie
fuckthecause
knotagain
majnoon
gallinula
koreamatron
sarchasm
southeast