othelladub's Diaryland Diary
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head spikes
Orange Bang + other things
Everything can be distilled into that night of Orange Bang. I can't say why I went there, only that I never realized the importance of Orange Bang in the scheme of things.
The thing is, I had gone to see this girl.
Saw the film Better Luck Tomorrow tonight. It was pretty good. A lot of it was filmed in Orange County, unlike The OC. Not that I don't like The OC, but this film was more realistic, and reminded me a lot more of the Orange County I grew up in.
Still, it resonated, and I liked it a lot.
Not as much as my current fave - Lost in Translation - though I was surprised to find some parallels between the two.
I suppose there is an alienation which is distinctly American, and nothing like California (and Orange County, in particular) speak to that sense of disjointed longing.
The girl I've been seeing up here wants to cool it a bit, and she has legitimate reasons. (I guess they all do, unfortunately) In this case, I flaked on her twice in the past week, although I kind of think she's judging too harshly, and were the situation reversed, I wouldn't really trip on it.
What happened was - last saturday (much like tonight) I was cruisin' on the internet - and she called. She left a message at 11:30pm, and I didn't get offline until 1:30 am or so.
So I guess she figured I would call her in the morning, but being tired, I waited and took my time getting up on Sunday.
When I got up, I watched some football with my roommate, finally proceeding to call her around 3pm.
Ok. Too late.
Left a message, called back around 9 after no response.
She was pissed, but didnt really verbalize it.
During the week following, she didn't return any of my calls.
When she called me yesterday, it was clear (on some level) that something was amiss.
Her tone of voice was the same as its always been. We carried on a normal conversation for a while, but I couldn't help but be curious as to her thoughts on our continuing courtship.
I've gotten used to the whole "making out" thing, and deviating from that behavior will be a bit of a stretch for me.
I do believe I am capable of it. I do think I can have platonic friendships with women, but its difficult given the circumstances of this cooling of passions.
Of course, I suppose on some level - If I had really been hardcore into this girl, maybe I would've called her back, no matter the time of night.
The night sky was chilly, as I approached the dorm-like setting. It was in LA, not far from STAPLES center. She was on the third floor, but her precise coordinates unknown. There was this middle-eastern guy who let me use his cell phone, and I could hear her phone ringing on the other end of the hall.
The last time I had seen her had been months before. She was living in El Monte at that time, and went out with me to Denny's + attempted to molest me before being dropped off.
At least she was living in LA now, an area I was much more familiar with (if only in a peripheral sense).
Anyhow, the night included some heavy tee-hee teasing on her part, followed by a trip to some fast food joint - I can't remember which. Probably Burger King. Then she became overwhelmed with the urge for me to purchase her an Orange Bang, and me - being compelled by a force greater than my intellect - complied with this demand as well as I could. There was a "restaurant" as we neared the psuedo-dorms, and she demanded the ORANGE BANG. "I want an Orange Bang!! "Buy me an Orange Bang!!"
What did I think I was going to get out of this?
After returning to her room, she spoke on her cell phone with several people, while brushing against me off and on in a splendidly torturous fashion.
I answered her phone once for her, and she was pissed!
I left not long after that - I was pretty emotional. Less than a month before had been my blowout explosion with Xo, and so I was pretty messed up in the head. Of course, I drove aimlessly through LA, through several highways, and ended up in Venice.
I called Rina, and stopped by her place. I spoke to her a bit, and I think I had bought her some Lucky Strikes (after she requested them during my phone call from a neighborhood payphone. I don't drop in, that's rude. I just call from a payphone in a foreign neighborhood. This happened to be one of my favorite payphones in the whole wide world. The Palms 7-11 Payphone. It's spectacular. Trust me.)
So anyhow, we chatted, and I left before too long.
And in that one night it occurred to me that these three women, all of whom I liked, were no longer real romantic options.
Xo and I are friends again. Its strange, but we're working at it.
The others never really declared an "official ending" to the friendships, but I have the feeling that this is how they do it in "adulthood". No one declares anything. It just goes away.
If only I had played Chess with her, and kicked her ass!
If only I called her back at 1AM.
If only I had bought her that Orange Bang.
Oh well. fuck it, right?
12:09 a.m. - 2003-10-13 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She was beautiful, and she was living up in LA.
No, not that girl.
This was the puerto-rican girl who was going to FIDM. Fashionista, and whatnot.
For some reason, I inexplicably always wore the worst gear when visiting this chick. I think there's something locked into my brain against my will which compels me to annoy the object of my lust at all costs.
Or I just have bad style sense.
I prefer the former.
Of course, it had fake "film" moments too, but most movies do.
She had said in her message to call her back, but I figured it was too late - and I was tired, and didn't really want to talk at that point.
Perhaps my uncoolness sprinkled her psyche, because we hadn't hung out since then.
Did it involve humming?
Turns out the joint didn't even have Orange Bang, and the quest was for naught.
I bought an Orange Drink - it was the best I could do.
Again, its my job to piss off.
MCDONALD'S WORKERS' RESISTANCE
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