othelladub's Diaryland Diary

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we gotta go

"Nobody said it was easy ... No one ever said it would be so hard."

Fuckfuckfuckityfuck.

Listen to damn coldplay on my old mix cd; the one I've had since things were good.

Things were good once. I remember that. Pulling the puzzles apart.

And the best is gone. And Xoch is gone. And Rina is gone. And they're all gone.

They all liked me, enjoyed my company - something - and now they want nothing to do with me ...

WTF!!!

Damn, am I such an asshole or clingy or petulant or obsequious or obtuse or laconic or gutteral or blunt or opaque or genial or childish or stunted or stilted or juvenile or jaded or jacked or blubbery or fat or old or passive or aggressive or non-self-starting or limp or piercing or wretched or pathetic or callow or perverted or untrustworthy or aching or romantic or insensitive or hypersensitive or humorless or unassuming or bitter or cold or white or lacking memory or full of memories or full of misunderstanding or analogy-effusive, or wrinkled, or sobbing, or bleeding, or crying or cringing or hurting or dying or un-newsworthy, or fictional, or factual, or illogical or out of context or relative or impossible to understand or make-believe or bookish or out of suggestions or lacking faith or unaware for you to want to keep me alive in your heart - to keep this friendship from fluttering away in ash?!?

WhyWhyWhyWhyWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHWYHWYHWYHWYHWY

fuckfuckfuckityfuck!

meaningless void. meaningless.

fingers pointed at illusions and fictions.

What happened was real and why do deny it and eradicate that which is good?

"I guess ... I guess its all relative."

1:11 a.m. - 2006-03-09

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